I get the Feeling I've Heard of you
by fallenxfate
Summary: Tenten goes to live with the Akatsuki? Everyone catches the glomping disease? Let the OOCness commence, and beware. [ItaTen][SasoDei][crackfic]
1. It's Sasuke? No, it's Itachi!

**Disclaimer**: I own nothing.

**A/N**: A request for an ItaTen? Actually, I found this fun to write. :3 CAPS ABUSE!

Tenten a silly spaz? Itachi a spontaneous ego-based weirdo? It must be the work of…I!

**Summary**: I've worked my entire life to be feared, and this one panda chick is managing to kill my ego in less than ten minutes. ItaTencrackfic

**I Get the Feeling I've Heard of You…**

I was just walking around in the forest. Why, you ask? Well, an S-class criminal can take a walk if he feels like it. And I felt like it.

You say that is a stupid reason? Listen: You don't say that to an S-class criminal.

What? You say I'm hung up on the fact that I'm an S-class criminal!

Fine, you don't say that to an Akatsuki. Happy now?

On with the stupid story.

I was walking and I saw this girl throwing kunai at targets. Her hair looked like a panda's ears. And then I noticed! She was hitting the targets _every single time_. She didn't miss once.

That was rather impressive, even for someone like me.

What? You still haven't figured out who I am? Can't you tell I'm the infamous Akatsuki, Uchiha Itachi?

I hate you all.

So, anyway, she was hitting the targets every single time. And it occurred to me that talent like that should not go to waste. She would be a perfect criminal. Or if not, she could always just amuse me when Deidara gets on my nerves with all his explosions and 'un'-ing. Oh, and then she noticed me and killed me.

Wait, that was wrong. She noticed me and gave me this look as if to say '_who are you exactly_?' You ask how I knew that? Because she asked, "Who are you exactly?"

My jaw dropped. Here was a girl who did not know of THE Uchiha Itachi when she saw him? Or, namely, ME?

"I get the feeling I've heard of you…or seen you…," she continued. "So, what's your name?"

I was speechless. Me, Uchiha Itachi! But I'm a sly weasel, so I replied, "Guess."

She looked at me a few moments, and then she said, "I think I've seen that ugly cloak thing that you wear before."

UGLY and I do not belong in the same sentence, unless the sentence is talking about how I am NOT ugly. But then I remembered something—she'd probably seen Deidara before and after she's seen that gender-confused explosion-lover than anything he wore WOULD be a complete turn-off. I mean, he was pretty famous for kidnapping that Kazekage-raccoon-demon person. BUT NOT AS FAMOUS AS I!

"What's your name?" I challenged.

I was surprised when she answered immediately: "Tenten." Seriously, do they teach shinobi about safety these days? Oh dear kami-sama, I'm getting old…NO! I SHALL BE FOREVER YOUNG!

But, whatever…I'll still call her panda chick forEVAH. What kinda criminal recruits a person with a name that means 'heaven' or 'sky'?

"I'm an Uchiha," I offered, thinking this was a dead giveaway.

Her eyes bugged out in a totally unattractive way. "Sasuke?" she squeaked. "Whoa…you look different. Did you get surgery? Because I liked it better when you didn't have lines under your eyes."

_This_ is what my life has come to? Being mistaken for my silly little brother? By a random panda chick? I mean, seriously, here. I've worked my entire life to be feared and this one panda chick is managing to kill my ego in less than ten minutes…AND she thinks I'm Sasuke too.

At that moment I was hoping lightning would strike and kill me. But then I remembered I was supposed to be recruiting her, not…whatever I was doing.

"Will you be my amusement, stress toy, and weapons mistress forever?" I asked seriously.

She blinked. I blinked. We all blinked. Yea for blinking. Then she said, "Don't you think it's a little too early for marriage? I mean, I just figured out who you were a minute ago."

Headtowall…wait, there aren't any walls in the forest. Headtotree, headtotree. She still honestly believes I'm Sasuke?

"I'm the uberly awesome, completely and utterly feared, better than my silly aniki Akatsuki, UCHIHA ITACHI!" I screamed, taking out a kunai. Then I remembered I use the Sharingan all the time so my aim is not exactly all that great, so I somewhat reluctantly put the kunai away into my mysterious robes of DOOM. Yar.

"Wait! Wait! Are you…Uchiha Itachi?"

I must have turned blue in the eyes because she asked, "What?"

I was doubting my decision to allow her into the Akatsuki. She would probably be better amusement for Deidara than I and he's already thoroughly amused by those stupid explosions.

"Can I come with you to see your headquarters…thing?" she asked, eyes _sparkling. _Literally…_sparkling._ That stood against everything I fought for, which was power, conquest, capturing biju, and above all, _Pocky_. I'm still not over the fact that _Deidara_ got a biju and I _didn't_. I lost a lot of Pocky on that bet.

"Fine," I sighed. "Let's go. If we hurry we might get there before dawn."

(A/N: GASP! I'm turning this into a real story instead of a one-shot? This is too much fun…:3 Oh, and I'm going on vacation this week so no updates on this one either. Last, but not least, I'm not a Deidara-basher. In fact, he's like, my third favorite character. I just found Itachi the Deidara-bashing type.)


	2. Let's Try Not To Raise the Rating, Okay?

**Disclaimer**: I didn't type it for fun. You do the math.

**A/N**: Oh dear, Itachi, is Deidara stealing _your_ Tenten? Oh, and, yah, Deidara has his arms and Sasori is alive and all that. Implied SasoDei. Yes, it will end up ItaTen and SasoDei…eventually…

"Iiiiiitaaaaaaaaachiiiiii!" screeched a certain blonde. "Did you bring me a present, un?"

Tenten stepped out from behind me and they both stared at each other for a moment. It was kinda freaky…they looked like long lost sibs or something.

Stare.

Stare.

More staring.

Even more staring.

It was like a staring contest.

You know what? I've forgotten what the word 'stare' means from saying it so many times.

"Like ZOMG! Have we met (un)?" they said practically simultaneously, the (un) being added for Deidara. Then they went, "Nice to meet you (un)! I'm Deidara/Tenten (un)."

I stared.

They stared back.

(What is up with all this staring?)

And we all stared for a moment longer just to acknowledge that we were staring at each other in a way that was totally weird, especially since it seemed that none of us needed to blink at all, which is just freaky, because if people didn't blink their eyeballs wouldn't get enough tears and stuff and that probably wouldn't be all that great, but I wouldn't know because I usually blink, but these two seemed to be influencing my blinking, uh, staring…whatever.

Hoorah for long, useless, and totally spontaneous run-on sentences, so please excuse me while I shoot myself. Not.

Yep, this is the life.

By the time I had recovered long enough to see properly, Deidara and Tenten had disappeared. Someone please, please, please send some lightning to strike me. I decided to occupy my time stabbing insects. Seriously, who wants to walk in on whatever Deidara's doing? For all I know…I shudder at the thoughts.

(Not like that, you pervs.)

Little did I know…

**Deidara's POV**

So, I had dragged Tenten away from Itachi-san. He was, like, shooting himself or something. I thought that we had all agreed to leave the weird religions to Hidan (A/N: I _think_ that's the one…) but, hey, whatever. You know, anything floats his boat.

I was giving her the tour of the place, but I personally thought she would like to see my room. And she was all like 'What's up with the clay?' and so I showed her my hands (hands, mouths, same thing, right?) and then she was like 'That's cool' and I was like 'Really, un?' and she was like 'Yeah' so I thought she would think it was nice and kind of me to give her a clay figurine, so I did. It was a panda, 'cause of her hair.

'Cept, then, she was soooo happy looking at it and stuff I accidentally blew it up in her face, but it didn't, like, hurt her or something. And then Itachi-san came in and started swearing off at me. Good thing I can't remember it all or the rating for this would shoot waaay up there. Poor guy. He's got a lot of pent-up emotions. I thought it would be good to let him blow off some more fumes so then I blew up his chair. But it was only a _little_ explosion. I mean, I didn't, like, blow up his room like I did to mine by mistake that one time. I guess Itachi-san is a very material person because he started swearing even worse than before. He had some pretty good stuff in there, actually. I didn't know you could do half those things that he said he'd do to me if I…hey, wait a second, that wasn't my fault! That was Sasori-danna, I swear! Like I'd do that! It was all him—!

Well, anyway, then, he finished it with one last artful swear and Tenten slapped him then yelled at him. I laughed. That was about when he vowed to kill me and—wait, what do cookies have to do with this at all? 'Cause, really, that was Sasori-danna too.

Tenten yelled at him some more and then dragged me off to some random place. Sasori-danna was there, so I introduced them. He raised an eyebrow and said, "Deidara, I didn't know you swung both ways."

Seriously. What kind of question is that? I didn't even understand what he was saying. Oh, wait, that might be about that one time…never mind.

So I assured him, "Don't worry, Sasori-danna, you're still the most important person in my life, un."

He must have took it wrong, because then he replied, "Oh, I know," and returned to what he was doing, which was repairing one of his puppets.

Tenten looked at me funny. Itachi stormed in with a giant paddle yelling something about 'die' or 'Deidara' or something that started with a 'D.' And then he called me a girl.

That wasn't very nice.

But I decided instead of blowing something up (which would make Sasori-danna very mad, and then he would yell at me or _worse_…) it would be funny if I ran around screaming and/or hid behind Sasori-danna/Tenten-chan.

I jumped behind Tenten and screeched, "He's going to kill me and then throw away all my clay!"

Then I fled to Sasori-danna and shrieked, "He's going to kill me and feed me to Kisame-san!"

Luckily, before I could get on a roll, Sasori-danna turned on the off switch (wait, isn't that kind of redundant? Oh well, who cares anyway?) so I went slightly immobile and laid in a heap twitching slightly.

Itachi came over laughing manically and stepped on my back. He screamed girlishly, "I claim this land…" He stared at us crazily for a moment before continuing. "I claim this land for the _QUEEN OF ENGLAND!_" He laughed.

Sasori-danna laughed.

Tenten-chan laughed.

I laughed.

We all were like, "What's England, anyway?"

We all laughed some more.

Then Itachi remembered he was supposed to be trying to kill me, because that's what this really weird crack plot dictated that he was supposed to be doing at the time, so he took his giant paddle out of nowhere and started attempting to beat me with it. Unfortunately for him, that wasn't quite as amusing to the three of us, so Sasori-danna and Tenten-chan left him in a quivering pile whimpering and in the fetal position.

We took some pictures and laughed.

Sasori-danna laughed.

Tenten-chan laughed.

I laughed.

We all laughed.

Do you get the feeling we've been over this before? Well, it never gets old, so we did it again.

Sasori-danna laughed.

Tenten-chan laughed.

I laughed.

We all laughed. Well, except for Itachi, because he was in a quivering little pile whimpering and in the fetal position. But he doesn't count, because he's a stiff maniac. But aren't we all?

Then suddenly, all the laughing stopped because Itachi died, but came back to haunt us.

Just kidding!

We actually laughed some more without regard to Itachi's feelings, because it's already been decided that Itachi would take revenge on that in the next chapter, and if we didn't laugh some more without regard to Itachi's feelings there wouldn't be a plot for the next chapter and that wouldn't be very exciting, now would it?

Wait, we have a plot? Cool…

Then, the glomping disease struck!

Yes…the horrible glomping disease. I got it. Tenten-chan got it. Sasori-danna got it. But thankfully, Itachi _didn't_ get it. Maybe there really is a merciful spirit up there.

Naaah.

First, I glomped Sasori-danna, but then he glomped me back. Tenten just decided to glomp Itachi's stationary body and leave it at that while Sasori and I glomped each other.

But little did we know…

**Itachi's POV**

After being beaten into a quivering heap whimpering in the fetal position, I was pretty much out until something glomped me.

It was…Tenten. She was glomping me.

I felt _loved_.

Then I looked over and saw Sasori and Deidara glomping each other and looking like they were going to carry on for awhile and possibly progress into something that would definitely raise the rating of this story and realized that maybe I _wasn't_ loved all that much.

But then it occurred to me to wonder why they were all glomping because that was what the plot said that I should do. So I wondered.

And wondered.

And wondered some more.

And then it hit me.

_The glomping disease_.

I had to cure my fellow Akatsuki (and, of course, Tenten) but there was only one cure for the glomping disease…and it was in a horribly toxic land where I would have to risk life, limb, spirit, and dignity.

_The Akatsuki's kitchen_.

I got up slowly, due to the fact that I had a girl latched to my back and made my way to the kitchen. It sounded quiet enough…maybe nobody was in there. I peeked in.

Suddenly, it started raining acid rain, hail, and sleet all at the same time. Indoors. In the kitchen. And nowhere else.

Shielding my eyes, I made my way to the medicine cabinet. The stinging precipitation battered me constantly, which was rather distracting. Peering inside, I plucked out two containers: The glomping disease cure…and some magical powder that caused the glomping disease to occur unnaturally. It was to serve as a form of revenge in the next chapter because they laughed at me without any regard to my feelings because that was what the plot said what was going to happen.

Sliding back out, the acid rain, hail, and sleet came to a halt and the kitchen returned to its deceivingly peaceful-looking setting.

First I administered the medicine to Tenten, who fainted. I left her there in a little pile as a small revenge before the real revenge. I went back to Deidara and Sasori.

"Omigawd! My eyes!" I shouted, shielding my eyes from the two doing things that cannot be described further or the rating of this story would shoot up like a geyser with diarrhea. Just a second, how can an inanimate object get diarrhea? Pretend I didn't just say that, okay? And… "Wait a second, what's this 'God' thing that I just screamed about?"

I threw the medicine at them and ran for my life.

**Third-Person POV**

"What just happened?" asked Sasori, confused.

"I have no idea, un," admitted Deidara.

They sat in silence for a moment. Sasori broke the quiet by saying, "Uh, why do we not have any—omigawd! Omigawd!"

Deidara realized what his danna was talking about and screamed like a schoolgirl. "EEEEEYAAAH! …un You—you—r-r-"

Sasori put his hand to Deidara's mouth. "You can't say that word," he said seriously. "Otherwise the rating of this story will shoot up like a geyser with diarrhea."

The ex-Iwa-nin blinked. He shoved aside the puppeteer's hand and asked, "How can an inanimate object get diarrhea? And what's that 'God' thing you just said?"

They both blinked some more. Wait, do you get the feeling we already went over that before?

Sasori then asked, "Deidara?"

The teen replied, "Yes, Sasori-danna, un?"

"Get offa my lap."

(A/N: Wow, I really _might_ have to raise the rating on this story the way this is going. –shoots self-)


End file.
